“I think sometimes that people are like onions. On the outside smooth and whole and simple but inside ring upon ring, complex and deep.” ~ Karen Cushman
Al Khobar-20130209-00297

Does a bird think of anything but flying and finding its bite of the day? Does he wonder why his wing is not as shiny as the bird chirping on the neighbouring branch? Could a dog work on his bark to be fiercer than any other dog? Does it worry of loneliness?

My author friend, whom I have interesting night reflections of life and existence with, raised this thought when he confessed in his pages to sometimes wish he was a dog or bird in times of despair. “Humans are complex” His defence came quick upon seeing the start of laughter from my end of the paper.

Marking our discussion with a tilt of the page’s corner, I nodded to him, imagining our discussion happening in the aura of a dense room given a mystic feel by the steam of hot teas sipped through the thoughts.

“Another person: a door you can’t enter, even by knocking.” ~ Marty Rubin

I knocked to my soul, wanting to experience the truth behind this notion of being complex. I have always thought I was an open book, easy to read and understand.

I know I am open to thoughts, but I found I can close down…when I am not sure which direction to take.
I know I seek freedom, but lately have been wanting the chains…perhaps to appreciate things.
I know I am different than other Saudi ladies, but I seem to try to fit in…maybe because I fear loneliness.
I know I want to make change in my society, but then I emphasis “nothing will change” when frustrated…I wonder if its due to worry of being secluded like others.
I know I should not look to others for approval, but then ask “what do you think” too often…perhaps its my way of evaluating myself through others’ eyes.
I know I should follow what I want in life, but then take a step back when I feel I might be lonely/labelled/hurt people I love…should I stop or should I never look back?
I know I have learnt a lot through the years, but then I feel less knowing than someone discussing their enlightment…I guess I just need to float more gracefully.

I know I love my family’s individuality and open-mindedness, but then I sometimes urge them to be conservative…Could it be because I am stuck in two worlds?

“There are things so deep and complex that only intuition can reach it in our stage of development as human beings.” ~ John Astin

Ok dear author, I agree. we are complex and it could be nice to sometimes be just a bird.

The author just smiled in victory.

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~ Anna Quindlen


Note: Painting by my dear mum: Zakia Aziz

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