Cashier: Wait, I did not call you yet to be able serve you. *arrogant look
Basma’s mind: Seriously, why is this woman being rude while I am standing in line? is it my looks?
Cashier: you can come now.
Basma with an exchanged arrogant look: ok I want to buy tickets please..yes this show…yes thats what I said…
Coming out of that dialogue, I started to wonder why is it that we have to face coversations like that at least once a week..the kind that are fueled with missunderstandings, fights, wars, prejudice,hate, judgments,arrogance.
Such words cause a person to feel negativity soaring within and to some even raise an arm as a shield from such cruelty. But if you stop to wonder what is behind all these actions, all these decisions promopted with anger, the word FEAR comes in.
Fear makes us judge before were being judge, hate for fear of being hurt, be arrogant for fear of being misinterpreted and start war before we get caught in it first.
It is a simple formula, when we are afraid we protect ourselves with an arrogant look, a racist comment, a missunderstanding remark…going with the saying: forget an eye for an eye, I’ll have them for lunch before they have me for dinner (an Arabic metaphor).
In my personal example, I felt afraid that I was being judged on my looks and treated the situation with the same exchange of arrogance and I am sure if I met that woman in another situation she might be a nice lady. Perhaps coming to her desk before being called made her feel intimidated and wanted to show authority…the key word from both side is FEAR.
The resemblance of this to the animal world can’t be helped. How an animal would hide, attack, run or bark in act of defence to face their own fear of the other. We do not bark or attack, but we sure use our words and body language in the same manner.
I feel my world shake
Like an earth quake
Hard to see clear Is it me? Is it fear?
I’m madly in anger with you
And I want my anger to be healthy
And I want my anger just for me
And I need my anger not to control me
And I want my anger to be me
Metallica – St Anger