“Men trust God by risking rejection. Women trust God by waiting.” ~ Carolyn McCulley
I acknowledged time to be a close friend of mine with whom I established early on that we must work together to accomplish, and we agreed that disappointment can ruin our worked on relationship and it should not be an option.
The both of us taught the other things, I taught time flexibility and multitasking and time taught me discipline and waiting. What I did not realize is how the latter became somehow a cage, not a fair knowledge trade; I recently concluded.
Time assured me that the skill of waiting is priceless and that it will be my armour in this unpredictable world we both exist in. I took the skill willingly and practiced immediately: waiting to be able to walk on my own, waiting in queue, waiting for the driver, waiting for my parents to decide if I can go somewhere, waiting for my crush to build the courage, waiting for the bus, waiting to be acknowledged; the list goes on.
What I noticed in each of those moments? I was chained to something, my power and attitude were dictated by how long I have waited and whether I was bypassed by others.
“Standing on a street corner waiting for no one is power.” ~ Gregory Corso
Recently, and I wonder if it’s to do with the over-practiced skill of waiting I mastered in my 28 years, I feel I had enough. I am willing to wait but do not want to be reminded of it with every tick of the clock and with every smile of the numbers on my phone’s timer.
Specifically, I felt like I wanted to shed the heavy armour of waiting for someone to love, which has been grasping my cherished power too long. I trust God’s well and wisdom, but I do not want to practice the waiting religiously with a mug in hand and a rocking chair positioned to the window overlooking the street’s view. I want to live and trust it’s coming, somehow, sometime.
Don’t get me wrong Time, your taught skill is amazing, but I no longer want to practice it for love. I want love to come to me, no queues, no numbers, no order, just at the right time!
“I’ve learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you’re with me, even when you’re not by my side.” ~ Paulo Coelho