“Did you ever walk through a room that’s packed with people, and feel so lonely you can hardly take the next step?” ~ Jodi Picoult
If I could turn a word into a personality, I had always imagined the word Lonely to be wearing a grey long jacket, sat counting falling tree leaves on a beautiful weekend day while a sly smile escape his mouth as he acknowledges each leave landing far from the tree on the cold grass.
As a young girl, Mr Lonely seemed to visit when my friends waved goodbye to welcome the summer break and we each had to spend time with our parents and count the days until the spring term to see each other. Mr Lonely also knocked at my room when I felt bored. Lonely was not a bad person just sometimes annoying.
Years later, Mr Lonely sure did learn new tricks. I became lonely during teenage years if the attention was not focused on me or if my parents allowed me to go to a concert while my other friends weren’t allowed.
“If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company.” ~ Jean-Paul Sartre
I truly have not realised that I carried fear of being lonely until recently. After coming back from an amazing holiday to unite with my family and friends, I arrived to my current studying location to feel empty and hearing nothing.
Only then did I truly understand when someone is “lonely”. I was amused at that clear sensation of stillness, the echo of my own movement and heartbeat, the rhythm of the clock urging my vessels to respond, quietly it complies while urging my heart to quench.
Thoughts started racing of how I will be alone and how I can not even entertain myself without being accompanied by friends or family. I felt sorry for myself, and wondered why am I here. Struggling to face the fact that I have to be in the current moment, my emotions surfaced and my dark side came proudly to announce me as failing to gain enough friends to overcome this; my plan was in fact a failure.
Frustrated, I left my room and wondered off to be part of the world and among other souls. As I walked I examined every face I met and questioned how do they face their lonely moments: the old man barely making it to the cashier counter at the supermarket, the lady fixing her hair in line, the kid who is talking to his new fond toy.
Later that day I was met with a message that spoke in ways I could not explain…
It just said it all! we all face loneliness, some of us longer than others, but in the end we are not alone in this… Ironically that is!
So I decided on a mission for now, to learn a method to overcome these feelings and enjoy my own company.
Dear followers, I will keep you updated and meanwhile appreciate your suggestions : how do you overcome your feelings of loneliness?
“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.” ~ Douglas Coupland