People who speak about their emotions, about their mistakes or viewed lacking in their abilities or skills are true people!

I had to learn that the hard way, when everyone around me labelled me with words I started to get accustomed to, heck even actually labelling myself with and agreeing that they are me.

It was such a heart ache to learn the truth, I was just misguided to be seen as lacking, when I was just a threat or a subject of envy to such humans.

I spoke about my comparing, hoping to be helped or rescued every time I dive into that crazed waves of darkness, only to be labelled a comparer and belittle for it every time I feel bad about something.

I then realised the truth, they all do compare, they just don’t say it. with that, their secret is safe with them and mine is exposed for them to poke at.

I spoke about my perfectionist side, only to be told I am “too much” “hard worker” “overdoing it” “making us look bad”, only to see they were only trying to make me stop as I was a threat.

I spoke about my work and ambitions, my achievements and dreams, only to be given theirs perhaps imaginary just to overshadow my feelings of pleasantness, the shine in my eyes.

I spoke my fears, only to be belittled by them and feel I was th only one with them, but to my surprise when the shadows covered us, it highlighted theirs too.

I cried my truthful tears so many times, thinking they are my friends and they would care. Well they did, but made me feel I’m “just sensitive” and to stop thinking, but I see I was right.

I have not listened to you my soul, I always hushed you, summoned you to listen to them, to see that you were wrong, untrue and unworthy and never seen you for your worth, or mine.

I always thought I can be better, like them, like her, like him…but never seen I am better, as me.

The problem was, I thought I’m lying if I say I’m something or If I emphasise my belief in myself, but then I see, they all do.

I thought it was only me, who share their feelings and felt wrong to do so, but I just started to realise.

for the words of God have spoken years ago to tell me this is how we should be.

But I have lost the faith in me, in the reality of who I should be, to follow them, to think I shouldn’t.

“Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.”  ~  Cyril Connolly

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