“You are not your thoughts, you are the one who hears them.” ~
My alternate person, who for ease of reference I named Ega, has been struggling to keep up with me recently. We were sat at the living room’s couch, absently watching a series when she said: “You know, you’re making me work twice as hard now.” I turned, surprised, and she continues: “You weren’t that decisive when you were younger, now it seems like I have to convince you to think bad or pity yourself.”
“You always listened when I questioned you, your looks, your presence, how people view you. Now, you just celebrated your birthday and I feel I do not recognize you somehow.”
I smiled at her, this was news to me. “But Ega, you still have some effect on me; I mean, just the other day I listened to you as you ridiculed me for being nice to some friends who were late.” “No, no it’s not the same.” She stressed “You listened yes, but you didn’t dwell about it like you used to. My emotiono-meter didn’t jump like it should at your reaction, you just let it pass. Sooo unlike you!”
The year 2018 has so far challenged our relationship, Ega and I. There were many days where I just stopped listening to her completely, feeling rude sometimes for not reacting to her every note and nag on events that take place throughout the week. A new thought kept coming to me “Will you care about this in a year’s time?” my answer was mostly no, and so I would smile and let go.
She DID not like it. But as challenges knocked on my door this year, I realized one thing: I am lighter and still here.
Ega did not like it, but well we made due.
How do you deal with your “Ega”?
“It’s enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment.” ~ Gabriel García Márquez