“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”  ~ Mary Shelley

It’s ironic how in life, when you decide on a mission armed with courage and hope for the better, it decides to betray you and hit you with another pain…this I have faced recently.

You see, as soon as I decided I will start learning to accept my fear of loneliness and take it as a challenge to learn new ways to enjoy my own company; I discovered another fear I kept well hidden from my own self – the fear of change.

I knew when I was little that I was a bit possessive, wanting all my friends for myself but I never imagined it was for fear of change; them changing personalities, interests, going away.I thought if I insisted that they are near me, I can guarantee these horrible horrible things won’t happen.

“You’re always you, and that don’t change, and you’re always changing, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”  ~ Neil Gaiman

So I do change and grow up and mature, but I never knew I carried this with me all these years. Ironic how miles from all that I care about, I have to be faced with this skeleton in my closet and I wonder : do I throw it away and pretend I’ve never seen it or do I think of why did it come here and how can I deal with it respectively.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”  ~  Lao Tzu

In an ideal world, I don’t want anything to change: I want my family to always be there happy and smiling around me, I want my friends to be there and we hang around every week and chat about nothing, I want to keep what I love and what I hold dear, I want it to be the way I imagined; I do not want to accept change..not yet.

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mined.”  ~  Friedrich Nietzsche

For the moment, this is very painful to me to accept and I truly am not in a position to work it out for myself…I hope though that God and my loved ones can help me see it as it is…That change is not being “the same”.

Every memory of looking out the back door

I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor

It’s hard to say it, time to say it

Goodbye, goodbye

                                   ~ Nickelback – Photograph

For now…Goodbye my dreams of things never-changing…