“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect.”   ~    Margaret Mitchell

I wish I heard that before, for I have been a victim of expectation – or should I call myself an expectaholic!

I have always been someone who expects: from the days when I wrote my birthday wish list for my parents to choose from, expecting not only the gift but maybe all the list and a surprise party too. I expected to be super popular, to always be sought whether for advice, friendship or hanging out.

Growing up to reach the mischievous years, I still expected. I expected to be the first to have a boyfriend, the lead dancer or actress in every school performance, I expected to become a choreographer then a director then a graphic designer then a fashion designer, I expected to be famous, to meet bands, to play the guitar and settle abroad.

“Plant an expectation; reap a disappointment.” (Quoting an old adage)”   ~    Elizabeth Gilbert

My rationale for it was that the more I expect things the more I attract them to me, a butterfly effect! But to my disappointment and the repeated talks of my loved ones, it doesn’t always happen that way.

Perhaps the worst kind of expectation that I have allowed to linger with me was expecting from people. No matter the disappointments I stood up again and opened my arms to them, somewhat like a defeated Samurai who can’t accept defeat.

“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”   ~ Sylvia Plath

Now only weeks until my 27th birthday, I am unable to shake the thought: when will I ever learn? How can everyone be solid strong on this and I can’t? It did cause me some lost tears and I felt this was a game, like some, where I keep struggling to understand its rules.

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”     ~  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Although one day as I dwelled over unmet expectations from a friend, the rain hitting me everywhere as if calling for my attention, I again had an expectation ‘Oh god, I forgot my umbrella and I’ll get wet and perhaps even fall sick, nice!’ This time though, the sprinkles of rain turned into glitter to me, as it told me to do something I always dreamed of: dance in the rain. that was an unwrapped gift I never expected!

“True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”    ~  Oprah Winfrey

It almost became clear, if you link experience with everything you face, good bad or ugly, no disappointment will occur. If I understand that I should not expect and should welcome experience, maybe just maybe I can chill ~ at last.

“Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.”    ~   Ayn Rand   

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