“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ~ Dr. Seuss
26 – A beautiful number, a beautiful memory, a harsh lesson, a true finding, a cross road, a “face your fears”. This was my year before I turned 27 today.
My pursue of understanding and truly celebrating who I am, letting go of those chains I felt held my colours to shine and thrive beyond any black curtain’s reach, facing fears I never knew I withheld deep within… It was that kind of year.
When I look back, I did think I would be a manager of some company, found my soul mate and starting of my own family and business on the side. Ironically, with the lens of today I see something I never thought possible and to be honest, even more beautiful. I see a woman who challenged a lot; her culture, her surroundings, others’ thoughts and her own insecurity and doubt to appreciate herself and find what she was truly looking for all those years…herself.
I thank God firstly, as he was always patient with the rebel in me, the one who always questioned his motives and wondered why doesn’t he see me as deserving of that picture I painted. I now realise, he was saying: I know the best for you, just wait my child. In my 26th year, I finally stopped arguing and listened.
Knocking the door of my 27th, I wonder of the yet to come and question what will happen to me, what will I be and where, who will I meet and who will I lose, and whether or not that picture I long painted will come true.
But I decided to slightly change that picture. I want to remove the dark shadows around the characters and objects.
Before I welcome you properly my 27th, I would like to toss all those negatives I have kept with me through my 26 years. I want to feel reborn and truly experience you…no strings attached.
So here is a list I entrust with you my 26th, I bid them all farewell and hope with no hard feelings that we never cross paths.
1- Doubting my caring side
2- Doubting my abilities
3- Not believing I am good enough
5- Over analysing
6- Care what people think
7- Stress over others’ actions or words
8- Lose sight of what matters most
9- Worrying of being labelled sensitive
10- Trying too hard to label someone ‘good’ or ‘bad’
11- Fearing loneliness
12- Fearing change
13- Listening to others’ sabotage criticism
14- Not loving myself enough
15- Believing others more than myself
16- Thinking less of myself
“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” ~ Shauna Niequist